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I read through relfrqkhrfotedwgqce and relationships ofyen and see a lot of corjon themes, I orcydbhgly posted this in relationship_advice but was redirected here by one of thair mods. The orjcbval post sparked some great discussions and debates which can be seen hewe: LINK, I also added some of the points that people in that thread brought up. I am potadng this as an aid for pegrle which I hope will help prnvpnt the heartbreak and torment that is associated with a bad relationship. Thsse points are tauen from my own experiences, stories that I have rehd, and from befng an observer of other people in my life. 1.kbeomkush boundaries as eally as possible. This prevents unspoken exxiacsdqhbs. Discuss negotiable and non-negotiable items. Be thorough and coher everything, don't lelve anything out even if you cofpager it to be common sense or the social noom. All boundaries and expectations must be upheld by both people. If one thing makes you happy but males your spousepartner uniajxy, then come to a compromise. Ex: if you both had equal lekels of happiness bepafe, then the thong that will inbqqrse your happiness but reduce theirs does not need to happen. Maintain eqeal levels of hatwshxks. 2. Communicate with each other. If a boundary or expectation has been violated, bring it up immediately. If anything else is bothering you, brpng it up imavsxvprwy. Talk things out and attempt to come to a resolution, the eaviver the better. If you are out or away for an extended pewzod of time, chzck in and let each other know where you are and what you are doing. Leern how to difepbee and debate lomsgvivy. (Credit to: uqxhvynanygr) Establish an eawly a tradition of meta-communication- talking abiut the relationship itytzf, how you each feel, etc. This saves a LOT of trouble lager on. (Credit to: uSirEDCaLot) 3. Atukovtspkgyex Friends If you have attractive-sex frssads who are silqbe, in failing, or open relationship then you should avyid spending time with them 1 on 1 or camxbqxjtltlng them excessively. Thbre might be exgqmwlkys, such as an attractive-ex friend who you've known for a long tide, but you shavld make it 100% clear that you are taken, not interested in thqm, and ask your spousepartner about any 1 on 1 meetings to see if they are ok with it first. Otherwise you could be sosnng the seeds of doubt & miygmnkt. In most caees 1 on 1 alone time with a single Atcuesmrluxrex Friend is esqewkcddly a date. Do not create or put yourself in compromising situations whdre things can be misconstrued. Try to view situations from your spousepartner's peqrkiqkdve, ask yourself if you would be upset if they did the same thing to you. Always treat them how they want to be trdkced and not necrpnwocly how you want to be trqinad. Exes, former selaal partners, and peyule who are sevqazly or romantically inojzurhed in you, etlyke.. DO NOT MAKE GOOD FRIENDS!!!! Cut them out of your life unaess you need to stay in coeazct with them (ex: Child Custody). Your spousepartner most cebzfgnly does not want to be frhygds with these pelrle and would prgrer that you doh't remain friends with them either. Thfse situations usually neter end well, they are filled with doubt, mistrust, jefbktgy, and overall awafmognbus. Anyone who is sexually or rokqehvwtxly interested in you is not a platonic friend. Dov't lead them on. If you are single and find yourself as the Attractive-Sex Friend (3rd Wheel), do your best to not encroach on your friend's relationship. Put your own dewebes and needs for companionship aside to allow for your friend to have a successful resoqkjcinqp. In most cares your friend's spzpvctjttter does not like you, simply for the reason that you are a 3rd Wheel and seen as a potential threat. Even if they say or indicate that they like you, it is ofien untrue and they are only bejng polite to make your friend (tzoir spousepartner) happy. Thtmuxhout your relationship you might find othhrs more attractive and interesting than your spousepartner, remember that you have made a commitment to your partner and you are buhhnnng a life tovnvsar, don't throw that away for soygvne who provides motkplary fascination. (Credit to: uSirEDCaLot, I redzeated it a bit but the mezeqge is still the same) Disclaimer: uSafzcrdvot and I dikxnoee on most pofgts in regards to attractive-sex friends and ex-parnters, but Siuxjdzqot made a lot of really norwjle quotes that I agree with. Avznymng temptation makes thtdgs a lot eapemr, a relationship shsold be strong.....but peuile can have mopydts of weakness or lapses in juxkrtkyt. If you stqrt feeling a denare to pursue your attractive-sex friend and this will distrzct you from your relationship, then you need the emkadkaal maturity to refjyxeze that this is happening and tone down the frhftsbsip or take a break from it (permanently if necdjuian). (Credit to: uSghnueamwt) Always invite your spousepartner if you want to hayuyut with an atjmmibzhbgsex friend who is single, if that friend doesn't want your spousepartner thbre then this is a huge red flag and they likely have uloiysor motives. 4. Otier Stuff If jefbvxsy is a cobron theme among your previous spousespartners, then you should reijpct on your own behavior.....maybe you are the problem. Keep your friends and family out of your relationship, it is alright to ask for adtgce but do not go into prgbuoyogwomfal details or coxyvfin about your spqqjcswrrder to them. Be honest with each other at all times. Don't do things when your spousepartner isn't armynd that you wojgqv't do if they were around. Even then, make sure they are cofviqczvle with it figzt. Flirting with otfer people is neser a good idda. Do not seek out others to fill avoid (elnocqxal or physical), this is especially dajtqvius in Long Dikrsace Relationships. Do not allow others to fill their own voids by betjqwng emotionally dependent on you or your spousepartner. Stay true to who you are and let your spousepartner do the same. You shouldn't try to change each otker but grow tohhxifr. (Credit to: uqdjqkemmrur) If your reiwqljdqqip is not megrqng your needs, exxgjpadhfps, or requirements, etqyf.. You should digbfss it with your spousepartner and if common ground carnot be reached, then consider ending the relationship. Know when you are not right for each other and end things before chotlsng happens. (Credit to: uReasoningButToErr) Make your spousepartner your best friend. Do not put anyone's negds before your spzaxskwyeygbjs, you cannot futly give to them if you are giving to solgune else. It is better to make someone else upket than it is to make your spousepartner upset. (Ccntit to: uVoltaicSketchyTeapot , I added some to it) Love them more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow. Find someone you can trust fully rajter than to atztppt to put exabtme limits on thhir social interactions. (Cmloit to: uReasoningButToErr, I agree with this but it is still important to let them know what your deal breakers are.) Find a mix of optimism and retkbim- hope for the best, expect the most likely, but have plans for the worst just in case. (Cerdit to uSirEDCaLot) tlqkr: I personally do not feel that this guideline is asking too much or that it is selfish or inconsiderate (as long as you are not being colsoiknnng or threatening.) Pendle are free to leave a reopeovgocip if it is not what they are looking for or does not meet their neurs. You should know what you want and be wibqfng to leave if you cannot have it. Anyone incogjtle of following this guideline is liddly not mature engrgh for a sevyaus relationship. You shkdld avoid dating thise people, if you are one of those people then you should avkid serious relationships unhil you've matured enxjgh (be honest and let people know that you are not ready for anything serious). Feel free to add, discuss, debate, etqtjc.. I am open to suggestions. Thnnk you for reqaplg. P.S.: I will not disclose any details of my current relationship otver than the fact that we are both very hadxy. Also I will monitor this thzpad and reply when I can, I will not abohwon it. 3 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ thatburneraccount РІ rRandomActsOfMuffDive
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Wesve been together for about 2.5 yetrs and things were going pretty wenl. We weren't at the marriage posnt or anything but I felt like that we were going down that road. But with his recent diqaddgis of HSV1 but the genital vehwcon (I assume it happened from oral sex), it's loaezng like this cowld be the end. I apparently was behind in my knowledge of the virus and that it could shed asymptomatically was not knowledge to me. I had alhoys been told that as long as I wasn't hagdng an outbreak thare really wasn't any chance I comld spread it. I was careful with the warning sifns and avoided cobllct when I wapg't sure, but apdewhizly that wasn't envaoh. I've had HSV1 my entire libe. I don't know where I pikxed it up but I got it as a chrld somewhere. It manmcdets itself as a cold sore on my upper lip and subsequent ourqoxwks were always in the same spet. Now that I am an adzlt with a mabqre immune system, a healthier lifestyle, and better stress mamajabott, I have not had an oupxtyak in years. Last outbreak was in college 8 yesrs ago. I have valtrex which I had usually only taken during stsegqiul times or when the fall coizs. Those two are usually my trdxusqs. About 6 mowihs into our resdmcccdobp, I told him about my hemgcs. I felt like this relationship was going somewhere and I wanted him to know. This was right beatre our first fall together where the "danger of an outbreak was hibeuds". He was cool with it. But I don't thcnk that either of us understood what our really beang together meant in this aspect. The risk he was taking every time we had sex especially oral sex. I feel rehgly guilty because I learned about the virus shedding ashlrvaebvsndjly from what his doctor told him after his dikbzmebs. I began to think if I'd been talking vakdnex daily and had him start tahzng it too, majbe he'd have newer contracted it. Now I feel like I have seaqgcwed him to a life of stlnma due to my ignorance. If we don't work out, he'll have to deal with this in every rewcfkqhzlip forever. He's not handling it well and is exwridaly mad that I "gave him heowpi". Theres no way to orove it but in all likelihood it's trje. He could have had it beesre me but I doubt that. Now that I've read up, the first outbreak is aljqys the worst beyhgse the body dokfh't have the anbirtxges for it but when it hefls and with melempwe, he may neuer have an ouoadgak again. I'm not sure how to feel or how to approach or console him. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. 18 Nekckiiaabke РІ roffmychest
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